With nothing else to do on a Sunday in Edinburgh, the lads (Jamie, Andy, Bloomy, Bob, Gary, the luckless Bagoost and myself) decided to visit a pre - festival comedy club called The Stand near the Royal Mile.

Played out in an "Whose Line Is It Anyway" style and despite being very funny, it was in need of a little touch of as the French say, Les Diaboliques. The task of supplying the bullet fell to Jamie, who on his recent trip to Thailand chanced upon a rather frank, but supposedly private piece of Bagoost's travel diary. After quickly deciding that Rich's private thoughts were too good to be left that way, I persuade Jamie to hand the incriminating page over to the comedians and with my work done, returned to my seat and waited.

The following is a transcript of what happened next played out to a full Comedy Club:-

Ginger Beardy Comedian:
I'd just like to take time out before the next sketch to welcome a rather balding gentlemen to the show.

Bagoost: Oh no !

Ginger Beardy Comedian:
Rich has just returned from an epic year long trip to Australia and the Far East, where as time ran out, he found it increasingly necessary to write down all of his options to effect the best use of his travels.

Bagoost: Jamie, you fu**er !

Jamie: Don't look at me, it was Nick's idea.

I look incredulously first at Jamie, then Rich. (Wearing a mask of innocence I keep looking at Rich).

Bagoost: Jamie you fu**er !

Ginger Beardy Comedian:
Here's just a quick example of the sort of difficult choices Rich had to make on his travels.

Ginger Beardy Comedian produces the aforementioned bullet (supplied by Jamie and loaded by my good self) from his back pocket. Rich slowly raises his head from his hands and looks at the piece of paper.

Bagoost: F**k, f**k, Oh god no, f**k, f**k, you're all bas***ds, f**k !

Bagoost looks pleadingly at the ginger executioner, but to no avail. Alas it is too late, the deed is done, the gun is raised, BANGGGGGGGGGGGGG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ginger Beardy Comedian:
OPTION ONE - FLY TO BANGKOK, PICK UP A CHEAP THAI WHORE, AND F**K THE ARSE OFF HER.

Bagoost lets out an agonised groan. The audience turn and shower Rich with a chorus of disapproval.

Ginger Beardy Comedian:
OPTION TWO - GO TO KO SAMUI, MEET CLAIRE'S SISTER AND BANG HER SENSELESS.

As to who Claire or her sister are is irrelevant. Bagoost slumps into his seat motionless. Jamie, myself, and in fact everyone else there erupt into hysterics. It is the perfect crime.

* WARNING : ALWAYS DESTROY THE EVIDENCE, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT WILL RISE UP AND BITE A CHUNK OUT OF YOUR BACKSIDE.