Female observation on American football:
A bunch of tall, heavy-set blokes running around in coloured spandex with matching motorcycle helmets. Through acute and exacting scientific observation, there is no evidence whatsoever of underwear!

How about this true story then: Our local pro football team is named the Cardinals (after a small red coloured bird with a crested head); a rival team from the City of Philadelphia is named the Eagles (after the large bird that symbolizes America. Adult eagles can have huge wing spans of six or more feet across.) With a big match coming up, the local television station ran a short "sport commercial" to generate support for the team by zeroing in on the Cardinal quarterback at the local zoo standing in front of the eagle observation cage. Grade school children are assembled around him eagerly awaiting their hero's words. In the background eagles are seen roosting and flapping their wings. The handsome, well-dressed quarterback points to a small sign in front of the cage which portrays the image of a cardinal. He reads what is on the sign aloud as the audience reads along: "Cardinals eat Eagles." The kids are seen bending over and gagging, rolling their eyes, holding their noses, pointing thumbs down and making all manner of verbal noises to indicate their reaction to this gross violation of the natural order. The camera fades as the quarterback looks somewhat surprised. It just goes to show you can't pull the wool over these modern kids. SIZE DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE! (Either that, or they're vegetarian.)