Howl Left

Barking At The Moon
Howl Right
The Unofficial Fanzine of Nottinghamshire FC

  Sex, Lies And Video Tape Evidence
The Column That Brings You “The Truth” About The Footballers Of Nottinghamshire F.C.
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The website also has individual player details, careers stats and, in some cases, photos of the individuals concerned.
Of course, it has to be remembered that the internet is a worldwide phenomenon and that YOUR details could be being looked at by someone on the other side of the world! In fact there is a rumour going round that one Notts player in particular has attracted the attention of a female soccer fan in the States. The individual concerned is so smitten by the photo of her ‘star’ player that she has officially adopted Notts as her club and opened the American branch of the Nottinghamshire FC supporters club. She has even requested a green & white shirt be sent to her!
Who is this hearthrob who has tugged at some sweet girl’s heart strings from a few hundred miles away?

Could it be YOU??

Answer in next month’s fanzine.
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 Of course our website is very ably run by Second XI Captain Gary Newton.
Gary recently underwent the fastest promotion and demotion ever know by a Notts player! As the three managers were selecting their sides and checking on availability, Gary was asked to step up from the Twos to be a 1st XI sub for the next Saturday. Within three minutes, it was discovered that a certain player, thought unavailable, could play after all and Gary was promptly dropped again!
Nice while it lasted, Gaz. What did you do wrong??
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Interesting to report that several Notts players have recently had a ”brush with the law.”
First for your consideration is the ‘mancy monkey’ himself, Mr Paul Atkinson who’s face featured in a recent ’Evening Post’ Crimestoppers article, the individual being wanted in connection with the theft of goods from a Carlton store. Of course, we aren’t suggesting that Mr Atkinson was the face captured on CCTV, it just looks like him………….
we think…………………!!
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 Second on the Police’s ’most wanted’ list is 2nd Xi keeper, John ’Enrique’ Colclough. John qualifies on TWO counts. Firstly he was threatened with arrest the other night for “swearing in a public place” after having a ’normal’ phone conversation with someone on the phone.
JOHN—“F***ing hell………”
PC PLOD—“Er, excuse me, sir.”
JOHN—”Just a F***ing minute, I’m on the phone.”
PC PLOD—”Sir, I’m warning you, you’ll be under arrest.”
JOHN—”F***ing hell.”
PC PLOD—”Sir…………”
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Enrique is also wanted, along with Adey Wilson, for urinating in a public place as both have been caught on CCTV at the Trinity school during training on a Tuesday night!
Maybe the cameras can pick up where some of our club footballs have gone to. Some players’ crap shooting has meant we have lost 4 footballs in the last three weeks!
At least security guards are human too. We heard recently one of the Tuesday night ‘Hitlers’ was sacked for eating staff sandwiches in the staff room!
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Regular readers will remember how Andy Newham tried to convince his better half that he was giving up a Saturday’s football to go away with her for the weekend, even though the Twos had no game. Truth is Andy is a crap liar and his missus saw through him like glass and soon had him breaking down and confessing to deceiving her!

Mind you, Andy’s lady is obviously held in high regard by certain other Notts players. His defensive pal, Wayne Elmhirst rang up the Newhams to speak to Andy recently and got the bright one of the pair on the phone. The conversation went something like this….
Wayne : “Is Andy there?”
Andy’s girlfriend : “No, he’s out.”
(5 minutes of frivolous chat)
Andy’s girlfriend : “Wayne I’d better go, I had to get out of the shower to answer the phone.”
(Long pause …………… Wayne’s imagination working overtime)
Wayne : “Are you naked?…………….”
The young lady’s reply was not recorded, but we believe that Wayne was rapidly changing hands with the phone as he was questioning her.

Does Wayne visit much, Andy? Do you want him to?
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Andy may have won the Blotto competition, but that doesn’t make him an expert on football, does it? He’s just a “Jammy F***er”.

In fact we know Andy knows f**k all about football. He is a member of Neil Buxton’s BBC Sport’s Fantasy Football ‘Friends’ League. In the overall competition (Nationwide/Worldwide) your fanzine editor managed to reach 29th in the whole competition, comfortably top of the ‘friends’ league. Andy was bottom of the friends league and in 150,029th place!! Only 150,000 places behind, Andy — you can catch up, honest!!
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Nice to know that managers prepare as thoroughly as players on the night before football matches.

Third Team Manager Rob Johnson was spied in the Q-Lounge on a Friday night before his team’s game against Dynamo. As the DJ announced his presence to the thronging masses, the girls were ably to breathe a sigh of relief as the DJ told everyone Bob was only there as he was on the look out for new boys!
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 "Gets dark quickly after games, doesn't it?" announced Nick Dracott after Notts Twos game against Sherwood Forest.
Too late did Nick realise that there were shutters over the changing room windows ..........
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Second team defender Dave Smith is normally a mild mannered bloke, but he has been getting really wound up by the prat of a centre forward who plays for Division One rivals Sherwood Forest.

Dave has played for Notts for six seasons now and in all those games he has only ever given away TWO penalties. They have both been this season against the SAME player at the SAME ground in the SAME season and both times the player has CONNED the referee into awarding the spot kicks.

To make matters worse the SAME bloke has TWICE got up and TWICE scored from the resulting penalties.

These incidents have naturally only taken a few minutes of each game. The other 88+ minutes Dave has had the player in his pocket! Life’s a bitch, eh?

Got a knife handy for the home game, Dave?

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