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The Unofficial Fanzine of Nottinghamshire FC
  THE FOOTBALLER’S ALPHABET – G IS FOR
 

Gaffer, The Footballerism that mistakenly implies that the player has a subservient relationship with the team's current manager and can be hired or fired by him rather than, as in fact the case, the other way round.

Gangly Used to describe forwards with no discernible foot-based first touch or close control, but the unerring ability to head the ball, perhaps using little eyebrows, to a colleague who can actually play football. Also score goals by getting in the way of someone else's shot. See Quinn, Niall.

Garrincha Legendary Brazilian winger and piss artist known as the 'Little Bird' and famed for having an enormous wang.

Gascoigne, Paul Footballing and comic genius. Significantly better in the dentist's chair than the pundit's.

Gattuso, Gennaro Possibly the only ugly person in Italy, almost as if they took enough ugliness for an entire country and shoved it all into one body.

General, Midfield Originally used to denote a midfielder with a good engine who can pass and tackle and looks comfortable on the ball. Now carries the additional connotation of intimidation of the referee and/or mindless violence. See Keane, Roy and Vieira, Patrick.

Germany Modest nation noted for their flamboyant football, well-dressed fans, brilliant musical taste and legendary sense of humour.
Ghosting Ronism denoting a stealthy movement towards the Back Stick, often in anticipation of Giving It The Full Gun.
Giggs, Ryan Hairy Manchester United winger who has played 500 times for club and, it is believed, once or twice for Wales when his mysterious week-long international week injuries allow.
Gillespie, Keith Northern Irish winger who once had his clock cleaned by Alan Shearer.
"Gilt-Edged" What a chance is, just after Diego Forlan has missed it.
Ginger Lad, Little Favoured Ron description, along with Streetfighter and Little Ratter In Midfield for his beloved Paul  Scholes who isn't, actually, especially little.
Glaring Always error, almost always by a goalkeeper. See Seaman, David.
Glasgow Scottish city famous for drinking, fighting, Rangers and Celtic. Grown tired of conquering Europe season after season, the mighty Glasgow giants are now turning their attentions to England. Oh good.
Go, Give And Negotiation technique involving an agent, a brown envelope and George Graham.
Goalden Tabloid adjective for any player who has scored a couple.
Goalkeeper A scapegoat, or child too wimpy to play properly.
Goalpost Part of pitch often fashioned from jumpers.
Gooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllll: A goal in South America. Even a tap-in or a penalty.
Goal Rush, The Comedy ITV program aired at 3pm on Saturday afternoons, which acts as a sort of half-way house between sacked football managers and jobs at Barnsley, Sheffield United etc.
Goater, Shaun Manchester City's Bermudan centre-forward, famous for having grooves in his head and looking like Yoda. Also known as The Goat, but increasingly overshadowed by newer, sulkier model The Elk.
God Fans' favourite, see Fowler, Robbie and Le Tissier, Matthew (French Le God). Also, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient deity beloved of Taribo West, Carlos Roa and Mad Hodd
God, Hand Of See Cheating Argies.
Graft, Plenty Of What Big Ron likes to see from crap players. Often involves low-grade violence.
Graham, George (also Stroller) Popular Tottenham manager who delivered unprecedented success to the club with the 1999 League Cup. See Envelopes, Brown.
Greavsie One half of jumpertastic broadcasting duo Saint And Greavsie. Liked a drink, didn't like Geoff Hurst.
Greece Footballing superpower put to the sword by England hero David Beckham who showed the men from the land of Tzatziki and Parthenons just who had the greatest ever empire. When we drew 2-2 with them at home.
Green, Alan Irish football radio commentator rendered miserable and unpleasant by the cosmic unfairness of having to commentate on football for the radio.
Green, Rub Of The Sex act performed on the above by Mrs Green.
Gregory, John Highly influential post-modernist thinker who once opined: "Art? What the f*** is art? A bottle of sour milk lying next to a smelly old jumper? What the f*** is all that about?" Confirmed commitment to avant garde absurdism when agreeing to manage Derby County.
Grimsby, A Wet Tuesday Night In Phrase popular with pundits, intended to question a foreigner's desire to play for a club recently relegated from the Premiership.
Grobealaar, Bruce Brilliant goalkeeper. Sometimes.
Guivarc'h, Stephane Surely the worst striker ever to win the World Cup. Confirmed that France 1998 wasn't a one-off with dismal spells at Rangers and Newcastle, but not entirely without use as crazy-misplaced apostrophe in surname has been inspirational to various manufactured pop bands.
Gun, Full Give It The An activity that takes pace at the back stick, often performed by the big lad after a colleague has used his little eyebrows. Thought to be something to do with heading the ball.
Gutted Football for unhappy.
Guvnor, The Self-Styled Favoured delusion of Paul Ince.

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