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Barking At The Moon |
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The Unofficial Fanzine of Nottinghamshire
FC
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| THE FOOTBALLER’S ALPHABET – E & F IS FOR |
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"EaGames" There are absolutely none of these at any level of football, even if Arsenal are playing Boston United, The Red Lion Reserves, Highbury Primary School For Girls or Sunderland. |
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Elbow One of the most controversial parts of a footballer's anatomy, usually employed artfully to knobble opponents. Developed by John Fashanu in the 1980s, use of the elbow is now acceptable, esp if you are David Beckham or Thierry Henry. |
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Elk, The Man City's Premiership edition of their Nationwide-standard The Goat. Prone to massive fluctuations in form/mood: one minute banging in hat-tricks and singing the praises of team-mates and coaching staff alike, the next sulking in a corner and less likely to score than Luke Chadwick at a Miss World after-party. |
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Emerson Freaky haired Brazilian who enjoyed a brief yet lucrative stay on Teesside. Wife cried a lot. |
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End Of The World, Not The False assurance given by girlfriend/wife who doesn't understand the brutality of seeing your team relegated/thrashed by hated rivals/selling best player. |
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End-To-End (usually Stuff) Refers to a pulsating tie in
which opponents take turns to attack. Often occurs when one or both
teams are impressive going forward but have little savvy when it
comes to defensive responsibilities. |
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Energetic Generous description of a player who runs around for the whole match without contributing to the game |
| Engine, He's Got A Great Phrase referring to a tireless but talentless player who will run all day for you and always gives 110 per cent. |
| England, Mike Former Spurs star who despite his name had to play for Wales. See also Brazil, Alan and Holland, Matt. |
| English Disease, The Unpleasant affliction that, in its most chronic stages, has resulted in caps for Steve Guppy, Andy Sinton and Jason Wilcox. |
| Envelope, Brown Used for facilitating transfers in the days when five hundred quid was actually a lot of money and the bung didn't need to be put in a spacious paper bag. See Clough, Brian. |
| Eriksson, Sven-Goran Swedish manager of England who convinced all but his most rabid critics (see Powell, Jeff) of his worth when masterminding 5-1 demolition of Germany and also victory over Argentina. Standing rose even more when it emerged that he'd given Ulrika one – despite going out with that tasty dark-haired lawyer. However, it was the omission of Phil Neville from the World Cup squad that assured the nation's eternal gratitude. |
| Estonia Home country of sy Mart Poom. That's it. |
| Evergreen Burnt out, once-decent professional,
now plying his trade in the lower leagues. See Sellars, Scott; Mark Walters, Mark Stein, Peter Beagrie. |
| Experienced Generous euphemism synonym for "over the hill" applied to old, slow pros who continue playing until well past their best. See Blanc, Laurent |
| Faint What footballers and their celeb girlfriends do in nightclubs when the papers can't definitely, categorically, prove that drugs are involved. See Exhaustion, Nervous and Infection, Kidney. |
| Fair Play Award Given to teams who aren't very good at all so they can enjoy a nice couple of trips to Albania and Luxembourg before getting knocked out of the UEFA Cup by someone of the ilk of Rennes. |
| Fair, To Be What Peter Beardsley always, always is. See Obviously, Well. |
| Faroe Islands Small, part-time, amateur international football team, recently embarrassed by draw with Scotland. At least had opportunity to taunt rivals Macedonia about their own poor results recently... |
| Fast Ankles Inexplicably, the phrase "quick
feet" just won't do in David Pleat's version of the English language.
See Mispronunciation, Painful and Crawling, Kerb. |
| Fayed, Mohammed Passionate football fan and noted linguist who aims to make Fuggham the biggest club in the land/get a passport. |
| Ferguson, Sir Alex Legendary football manager who hit headlines by giving lift to Manchester United and getting lift from 21-year-old South African lady. |
| Fiorentina Former club of Baggio and Batistuta, currently in the sort of self-inflicted financial do-do that makes Chelsea look well-run. Also a nice type of pizza. |
| Fisticuffs (often Bout Of Fisticuffs) The amusing spectacle of two footballers trying to have a fight and instead just camply smacking each other like a pair of squabbling schoolgirls. See also Handbags. |
| Five Star Performance Phrase used in tabloids when a team has won a game scoring five goals. Also Four-midable. |
| Flanks Territory of the Good Old Fashioned Winger |
| Flapping See Seaman, David and Grandad, Give it Up |
| Flying Dutchman Tabloid phrase for any speedy
player from the Netherlands. Also see variation Non-Flying Dutchman, for Dennis Bergkamp. |
| Football, American Ridiculous sport played, as name suggests, with the hands. |
| Football Special A type of train used at weekends that even Connex South Central would class as unfit for human use. |
| Foreigners Hitherto ignorant continental players and managers who flock in their droves to England (and Glasgow) in order to broaden footballing knowledge. Also see Chelsea, Mansions, Pension Plans |
| Freak Either: a) Goal commonly conceded by David Seaman; b) Person who believes David Seaman's 'look' is fashionable. See also Beardsley, Peter; Chadwick, Luke |
| Free, Leaving On A The last recourse available to a player when he realises, with a heavy heart, that the "club's ambition does not match his own" and he must, "for the sake of his career", move on. See Money, They'll Pay Me More. |
| Free, Released On A What happens when a footballer is so crap the club would rather pay up his contract than have him cluttering up the place and risk his uselessness rubbing off on other players. |
| Free Role Position between midfield and attack
for forwards too slow or old to be proper strikers. Often "revelled
in". See Le Tissier, Matt; Role, The Teddy Sheringham. |
| F***in' Ambulance Vehicle which away fans used to be offered a lift in. |
| Full Backing What the Board give a manager shortly before sacking him. See also Confidence, The Dreaded Vote Of |
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