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Sex, Lies And Video Tape Evidence

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The Column That Brings You “The Truth” About The Footballers Of Nottinghamshire F.C.
1	We all know that some players have some great excuses for not attending training, but the one used by top goalscorer Dean Wilson recently, has to take the biscuit. “I can’t come to training tonight, Colin, I’m going to parentcraft classes.” Let’s hope Willo has at least learned something as we hear that his good lady has given birth to a 5lb 10 oz baby girl called Paige, born four weeks early. Congratulations to the happy parents!
2	Talking of strange excuses, how about a return to strange injuries, featured in a recent fanzine. Candidate this month has got to be Stuart Stubbings, the first XI flying wingback who got himself so drunk in town after a really good “session” that he injured himself and was unable to turn out for the Ones in their game against Cavaliers. When asked how he had got injured, Stuart was totally unable to recall how he had done it!
3	Maybe Stuart or our other injured players would care to get some treatment from ‘Baggo’s’ doctor? Pete Bagust (Rich’s Dad) has been taking part in some ‘Medical Experiments’ conducted by the City Hospital. Paid quite a considerable sum for taking some new asthma drugs, Pete is said to be content and claims that apart from the wheel sticking in his cage in the lab, everything is fine!
4	Good to know that some players LISTEN to their manager! 1st XI player Chris Westerby certainly does as he heeded Colin’s instructions that “he wanted more goals from midfield,” by lamping home a superb 25 yarder into his own net against Cavaliers last weekend!
5	Problems with unregistered players is nothing new to some clubs, and Notts are always careful to make sure that they don’t fall foul of the rules set by the league. Pity then that some other clubs aren’t as careful as Notts Twos game against Bassingfield Reserves recently featured Notts player Chris Gossling, playing for the opposition! Chris, an ex-Bass player, signed on for Notts and played the first game of the season (against Bassingfield) in a 4-1 victory for the green & whites. Then Chris announces his ‘retirement’ and nothing more is heard until he turns up in a black & white striped shirt for the visitors in the return fixture! As Notts are a kind and understanding bunch, the fact that Chris was still a registered player was pointed out to the visitors and he was allowed to play (without his name going on the team sheet). After Bass had inflicted a surprise 3-2 defeat on Notts the temptation to give the league a ring was strong, but Bass were simply told to get their admin in order next time! Wonder how many players have played on different sides in the same fixture in the same season and have a 100% record too!
6	Chris Gossling’s triumph with Bassingfield might never have been according to centre back Paul Stevenson. He alleges (with some justification) that their second goal was well offside, it’s just that linesman Wayne Elmhirst was chatting to Henry Overton on the line as the ball was played through!
7	Older Notts players will be sad to hear of the official retirement of Andy Dickinson (Dicko 1). Andy has been one of Notts best players over the last 6 or 7 years and it was a shame to see his career ended through injury. Andy remains an extremely fit guy who still loves to run up the odd mountain or two, but the demands of football are something which his injured knee can no longer stand. Best wishes to Andy. We hope he remains connected to the club and takes up the offer of becoming a Vice President.
8	Supersub Jam’s secret is now out. Our spies at the Threes game with Tibshelf have rumbled his deep dark secret that he does, in fact, train and play with kids most of the time. Maybe this is his way of competing against people his size?

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