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Barking At The Moon |
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The Unofficial Fanzine of Nottinghamshire
FC
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| Slowest Team Ever? |
| Goalkeeper |
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Neville Southall, Everton |
| Defenders |
| Andy Robinson, Swindon Always found himself in acres of space because everyone else was at the other end of the pitch whether attacking or defending. Obviously spent his whole youth playing keepy-uppy in his back garden rather than joining a team. |
| Stuart Pearce, Nottingham Forest Got to the tackle as and when he could. Despite always being late, carved out an international career on the back of ensuring that if the ball did get past him, the man never went with it. Had thighs like a dray horse and could chop a player down with either leg. |
| Neil Ruddock, Liverpool Only had two speeds – stop and go. And once going, could not stop or turn. |
| Tony Adams, Arsenal One hell of a leader but with the mobility of a block of lard. Hence his most effective defensive weapon was the raised arm. |
| Midfielders |
| David Batty, Leeds Learnt his trade from watching Ray Wilkins videos. Never moves forward if there is the option of going sideways. Is to attacking football what Hugh Grant is to thespian versatility. |
| Paul Gascoigne, Everton Couldn’t get into a midfield that included some of the slowest players ever to grace the Premiership. A juvenile in a middle-aged man’s body and no amount of dieting or training could disguise that. |
| David Ginola, Newcastle Brilliant ball skills disguised the fact that he has never been known to break into a run. Part of the great Newcastle tradition for left wingers who stand and watch as attackers run past them. |
| Jamie Pollock, Boro Made a virtue out of being the antithesis of the modern day footballer. Made it to the top on attitude alone. No discernable footballing ability. |
| Forwards |
| Dean Saunders, Liverpool Had the turning circle of a supertanker. He might have been lithe and nippy but no one ever found out because by the time he was facing the opposition goal the whole of the defence was in position. |
| Mick Quinn, Coventry Fastest player over a yard… provided it was in the queue to the chip shop. Never took more than one touch with the ball. Was as comfortable with it at his feet as with a viper. |
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