Yesterday scientists for Health UK suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoeostrogens) and drinking it makes men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men: gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating and refused to apologise when obviously wrong.

No further testing was considered necessary.