Barking At The Moon

"If Geyer thinks his football players are performing like whores, then he should send them here to see how hard we work," a prostitute named Vanessa told reporters in Hamburg's notorious St Pauli red light district.

"I work my bottom off between 12 and 14 hours a day, sometimes two weeks straight without a day off. He's not only insulted my profession, but he clearly doesn't realise that our job is a lot harder than his." 

Vanessa was speaking on behalf of Hamburg's prostitute collective after soccer coach Eduard Geyer had criticised his Energie Cottbus team, complaining that, "There are players whose view of performance is like the whores of St Pauli. All they do is smoke cigarettes, drink too much and sleep around."

In her reply, she pointed out that, "this is a competitive business, and we have to stay in shape. I never drink alcohol, and I stay fit through regular weight training and by eating lots of fruit. I'd be happy to put his players through the same training regime that I follow, but I doubt that they could stand the pace." 

"I tell you, if Geyer's team were in as good condition as the whores of St Pauli, they'd be in first place in the Bundesliga, instead of almost last."

"The only things we have in common are that we both work near the bottom, and every time we perform, we both get fucked."