Mon. 20th August – Wed. 22nd August

Its becoming a blur.
Nursing increasing hangovers, we rise for breakfast, and repeat our movements of yesterday. Tonight’s entertainment is International broom racing. This is the game where you sprint down the beach (already pissed), and spin round on your head 10 times. I have the honour of running the anchor leg for England. We have 4 girls in our team, and it doesn’t look like we stand a chance, however as I crawl over the line 3rd, it is announced that Scotland and Australia cheated, and we claim victory.

England beat Australia in southern hemisphere shocker! The marathon effort takes its toll, as I spend the next 10 minutes in the recovery position. We spend the next 4 hours embroiled in drinking games with Clare and Ally from London, and at the end of the night, Rich is seen disappearing round to the dark side of the island, with some blonde piece.

On our return to the dorm room, we discover that the guy in the next bed is from Mansfield, and the 5 behind him are also from Nottingham (including Phil), you may be hearing from him Tim. Is that a coup or what? Signing up a player for Notts in Fiji. To put the icing on the cake, we start talking to a Polish / Norwegian guy, the conversation with whom goes:
Us: Hi, were Rich and Nick from England.
Him: Hi, I'm Marcus from Norway. Where do you live in England ?
Us: Nottingham.
Him: Ah, my cousin works in Dominos pizza on Mapperley top, I stay with them sometimes on Digby Hall Drive, Gedling !
Its a small world.

Thursday 23rd August.

We leave paradise today, heading for Robinson Crusoe island (its a hard life in Fiji). Rich is finding it hard to leave the blonde behind, and after seeing a sea plane starts reciting the closing lines from Casablanca. "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life." Again, its time to go.

Friday 24th August

After leaving Beachcomber, we go back to Nadi to update our e-mails. I spend 10 minutes sending mine no problem, but Rich spends the next 4 hours trying without success. I have since spoken to an old work colleague of his, Emma from 'Omnibus' who says this comes as no surprise whatsoever.

We finally get to Robinson Crusoe island, our new home, after an Indiana Jones style journey over a very dodgy bridge (loose boards, broken boards, boardswith nails sticking out, no boards at all), and a short boat trip. We are welcomed with a Kava ceremony (local brew containing some drug that makes you go numb), where I am proclaimed their new chief ! Rich is installed as the chief’s advisor, and must obey my every command. Before leaving Britain, I did say I would be a king on Fiji, so this was a promising start.

Saturday 25th August

The weather is stunning, so we take the chance to snorkel on the reef about 2 miles from the island. The marine life and the coral are fantastic. Not so fantastic was being confronted by a 6 ft long shark! Now, some people came out with comments like,
"Its only a reef shark", or "I think its a vegetarian", whereas all I could think was "get out of the fucking water now!", which I did in easily under 2 seconds. Unfortunately, as soon as I got in the boat, it was hit by 2 freak waves, and I was temporarily knocked back in. The 8 or 9 of us in the boat tried to keep it steady, but we left the others, including Rich to fend for themselves for a good 10 minutes, until we could all safely get back to shore. The rest of the day was spent recovering on the beach with lots of alcohol.

Sunday 26th August

Beds, it seems are all our dorms are for, certainly not sleep. If somebody wasn’t snoring, or playing music, or generally shagging about, then it wasn’t our dorm. A unilateral agreement was reached, whereby any noisy rebels would be dealt with. By dealt with, I mean they would get a bucket of water over them. I finish the evening by warbling the Chris de Burgh standard, Lady in Red, to some bird at the beach fire. Unfortunately, she is only red because she has about 40 mosquito bites, and also has an unwelcome boyfriend attachment.