Melbourne, Australia 10.10.01

Hi Guys.
We're now in Melbourne and today has been a warm and sunny spring day. Im having to put lots of sunscreen on to protect my bald bonce! The last few days in New Zealand included another trip to the rugby, this time to see the Man United of NZ rugger, Canterbury, defeat Terenaki 38 - 17 - including 4 first half tries from Nathan Mauger. All black Andrew Mehrtens was playing for Canterbury and the crowd of 12000 were in good humour, except for one nutter who didn't like people singing at the rugby!

The same evening we went to a late night show of improvised comedy which was very good and, like the rugby, was nice and cheap! ( I'm so over budget I've been considering pimping out Nick's services for a while ) England v Greece was watched in a nightclub with dance music rather than commentary to accompany our piss poor display and after saying goodbye to the last surviving Kiwi bus members we flew to Oz on Sunday afternoon.

Melbourne is a really nice city. It has about 3 million people and is the most ethnically diverse place I've ever been to. After meeting up with three of our fellow Kiwi Bus travellers Mark, Nick and Guy we enjoyed an action packed first full day, taking in a stadium tour of the MCG which is soon to be demolished and rebuilt for the commonwealth games. It was then on to the 55th floor observation deck of the Rialto tower followed by a 'meet the Neighbours' night where we had our photos taken with Dr Karl, Dionne and Tad ( if that means anything to anyone ! ). Nick won an Oz experience bus trip to Adelaide as the best singer of the Neighbours theme tune ( you should have heard the other guys! ) and the evening finished with a trip to the Crown Casino - which is the size of a small city. Whilst Nick frittered away all his dollars on the poker tables I chose to explore one of the 5 nightclubs there and found Richmond Aussie Rules team enjoying their end of season bash surrounded by hoardes of attractive women!

There's an international rules game at the MCG on Friday night between Australia and Ireland which apparently combines aussie rules, football and gaelic football so w're definitely going to that. A crowd of around 60,000 is expected so there should be plenty of people to explain the rules to us!

Rich

At present yours truly and Rich are being detained at her majesties pleasure in the Mount Gambier Jail, just outside Adelaide. We must have upset our Oz experience bus driver, so we must spend tonight in a 6ft by 4ft cell with Big Bubba. It has just been turned into a hostel, and whilst we are told the showers are safe, we've both seen The Shawshank Redemption, and it's only a matter of time. Rich is always bending over anyway with his bad back, so he'll probably be first !

We headed out of Melbourne 3 days ago along the great ocean road towards Adelaide, after I won the trip singing the Neighbours theme tune in a pub ! Still, you've got to have a go haven't you ? But it was a one way ticket (they knew they were sending us to jail !), so when we finally escape, we have a 10 hour dash for freedom back to Melbourne. Butch and Sundance we ain't, so expect more letters from behind bars. Pray for us and remember we are innocent (on this occasion).
Free the Mount Gambier Two.

Nick

18/10/01 It's a beautiful day - Adelaide.

We are in Adelaide at the moment, having escaped our cell in Mount Gambier (Rich selling sexual favours to the guards did the trick), and to confuse the Marshalls in hot pursuit, are doubling back to Melbourne tonight on a 10 hour bus journey. We only got here yesterday, so only had one night and day to get up to any mischief. What to do ? Getting pissed up with everyone off our bus last night was a good start, followed by a late night / early morning trip to the seedier part of the city, where we tried to persuade a young, naive Derby County fan called Mark that women, not sheep would be the answer to his frustrations. I don't think we managed to convince him though, as he was last seen disappearing round the back with a pair of wellies.

I have to admit that this morning was the first time on our trip that I have woken up still clearly very pissed, and as evidence I present:
Exhibit A: One full Chinese meal consisting of fried rice, sweet and sour pork, beef in black bean sauce, spring rolls etc, etc.... FOR BREAKFAST !