Barking At The Moon

So your worried about losing your place to that young up and coming player in the team below? No worries. Let me guide you through the steps necessary to make sure you don't get dropped. Here is my sure fire PLAN.....

Take every chance to point out your rivals weaknesses to your manager. If he messes up in a game, make sure everyone hears about it in the pub.

If you are being played out of position and you want to get your TRUE position back, make sure your passes are overhit to your rival so that he runs after them, but can't quite reach them. Don't forget to blame him for not being quick enough!

When your team has a re-arranged game that isn't in the fanzine, make sure the other guy doesn't get to hear about it. Hide all copies of the fanzine and give the manager that player's 'new' telephone number so he can't get in touch with him.

If your rival is moving house, make sure the firm's van is only available on a Saturday between 1 and 4 p.m.

If you happen to find yourself at training with your rival, team up with him for the exercises and put as much pressure as possible on his 'dodgy' hamstring.

When you get your chance to play up front, score goals!!